A timeline of the Monarch’s of the United Kingdom of Britain and Northern Ireland along with a few snippets of info.
On 9th September, Elizabeth II became Britain’s longest serving monarch, ruling longer than her great-great grandmother Queen Victoria who reigned for 63 years and 216 days.
Egbert was the first monarch to establish a stable and extensive rule over all of Anglo-Saxon England.
Whilst out on the Somerset Levels with his company of men Alfred neglected to watch some cakes he’d been asked to keep an eye over (This was before women were able to multi task)
Aethelred wasn’t ready to be King at 10 years old but his mother insisted leading to the murder of Edward at Corfe Castle making her responsible for creating the nicknames of two Kings of England.
Contrary to popular belief Edmund II wasn’t named after an American detective.
Battle of Hastings, jumpers for goalposts and all that malarkey. In short Bill the Bastard didn’t like it that Harold no mates replaced Edward the God botherer so he shot him in the eyeball.
Richard worked his way up from the bottom to become King and achieved his life long ambition at the age of 16 where he promptly went on holiday to the Costa del Sol and spent all the countries money on booze & fags.
Back in the day when everybody was called Edward (including the women) Eddy Longshanks nicked a stone from Scone and went to fight Robert the Bruce over it but died before he got there.
In the 1400’s everybody changed their name to Henry and went off to fight the French. At the Battle of Agincourt Henry V lost 200 men by half time but it was OK because he eventually won the tie 6,000 - 400
For a few years the Lankies & the Yorkies were fighting over a tin of Roses until Richard III came along and wiped the field at the Battle of Bosworth. In 2015 when they found Richard’s body under a Leicester car park but there was no sign of the tin so they gave him a rude nickname.
Bloody Mary was an alcoholic but she did make exceedingly nice cakes - or that might have been someone else, we’re not sure.
After Henry had all the wives, Mary had a little drink and Lizzy One defeated the Spanish Armada so she could go and see a show by Billy Shakespeare, a new era was born. Some Guy tried to blow up the Houses of Parliament and the King had his head cut off for being King.
Olly Cromwell chased Charles II out of the country and lots of pubs renamed themselves after the tree Charley sat in all night. The Cromwells spent a few years pretending to be King before Charles came back to sit on his throne.
Anne got pregnant 17 times but none of her kids made it past 11 years old. The Act of Union was passed in 1707 before Nicola Sturgeon decided it wasn’t a good idea so went to the pub without a mask on.
There were a lot of George’s around and one woman was not amused by this so she stayed on the throne for a few hundred years to get her own back. She invented the Christmas Tree and some other stuff probably and scattered her great grand children all over Europe until Guy Verhofstadt decided to get his own back.